Who the hell schedules a bachelor party the day after St. Patrick’s Day?

I was asking this question all morning on Saturday, while trying to live down the hangover of the decade. You see, ole Steakhead doesn’t quite understand that he is older, somewhat out of practice, and unable to hang with the single folks when it comes to all-day drinking events like March 17. Getting to Limerick Junction when it opens at noon, the breakfast beer at Osteria, and going Harp-for-Guinness with Wingman…all mistakes. I’m a rookie in a professional’s game these days when it comes to this. So even though I stumbled out of the cab and strolled home through my quiet Sandy Springs neighborhood at the ripe hour at 7:45pm (oh, and wearing a bright orange t-shirt, a cowboy hat and St. Patrick’s Day beads- I am Steakhead, your new neighbor), and even though I didn’t get out of bed until well after 1pm the next day, I still dreaded the thought of attending this bachelor party on Saturday night.

But this was a Steakhead kind of bachelor party, as the night started at Chops. As some of my readers know, I am a big Chops fan, having anointed it the best Steakhouse in Atlanta. We had a group of 14, that could pretty easily be divided into two distinct groups- those recovering from the night before (including myself and the bachelor) and the ones saving themselves for this night. The latter pounding Manhattans and Martinis from moment one.

Three of us split the steak tartare appetizer, which was outstanding. They prepare it tableside, and will make it as spicy as you like. It’s a dish that is perfect for sharing amongst 2 or 3, and with a cost of $12, it is one of the more financially-friendly starter dishes on the menu. Unfortunately, however, this was the highlight of the meal. Chops was not up to standard on this evening. Drink orders were late. Some orders were messed up. And my signature steak, the bone-in ribeye, was a complete disappointment. Almost 1/3 of the steak was fat. I think my problem was I had the best steak of my life there 4 years ago, and I have been trying to replicate that experience ever since. Maybe its time for me to go back to filets.

After dinner, it was time to board the Fur Bus, fully loaded with beer and Jaeger bombs, for the nights activities, which included stops at a couple of English bars (oh god, please no more Harp), and some of the more well known gentleman’s clubs in town. Now, this blog isn’t about reviewing those kinds of places, but I need to vent a little. We have one friend that loves these establishments (well, maybe several friends), and he organizes a special room for us at The Cheetah. He then pays 4 girls at a rate of $250/hour…each… to join us. One asks me if it’s okay to order food, which of course the answer is “Hell, no”. Next thing I know, some guy comes in with an order of lobster crepes. Now I know that no guy in his right mind would order this dish in front of other guys, so the question is, which girl ordered it? Sure enough, it was the same girl who asked! So, let me get this straight, we pay $250 for you to sit on the couch and eat for an hour??? Of course, we had that removed from the bill before we left.

I won’t go into the rest of the evening- the fight that almost broke out at The Spotted Dog, the Mardi Gras turning away the bus as soon as it arrived. But there are a few lessons learned from the evening.

1) No sense living in the past. Whether it’s the drinking days you once had, or the best steak you try to replicate. Cherish the past, but always look forward.

2) Save my trips to the nudie bar for Las Vegas. The Cheetah is a complete rip-off. I’m never going there again. If you must in Atlanta, the Oasis is the place. No pressure, less expensive and much less likely to get taken advantage of.

3) Never schedule a bachelor party the day after St. Patrick’s Day!

BTW, the answer to the title question is D West. Read his blog and you will know why he did not think this would be a problem.